


Still the Only One (a Tyrus college fic)

by tatertot26



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Tyrus - Freeform, Tyrus Week (Andi Mack), thelonious jagger - Freeform, tyrus is canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2020-08-11 10:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20152111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertot26/pseuds/tatertot26
Summary: TJ and Cyrus break up before college to go their separate ways... but will they stay apart?





	1. Chapter 1

TJ and Cyrus broke up the summer after they graduated high school. It was an amicable split. Neither boy wanted to go to college with a boyfriend because they knew that if they did, they’d end up mentally spending most of their time with the other instead of making new friends and having new experiences. That being said, not much changed after they were broken up. Over the summer they still hung out all the time. They texted every day and were still rather touchy feely with one another. The kissing stopped, but other than that they were still the same Cyrus and TJ they’d been for the past four years. Cyrus was off to Wesleyan to study at the College of Film and the Moving Image. TJ on the other hand was staying more local and would be attending Utah State in Logan, pursuing a degree in environmental studies. TJ was the first to leave because he had to go to training camp for basketball. On the day he was moving to school he decided to go to Cyrus’s house to say goodbye. TJ couldn’t believe that he and his best friend were going to be 2,263 miles apart (yes, he’d looked it up). As he approached the front door to Cyrus’s house for what felt like the billionth time he suddenly started to panic. Why had they broken up again- in this moment TJ couldn’t remember. He felt himself falling to the floor of Cyrus’ front porch, which is exactly where Cyrus found him ten minutes later. 

“Teej, oh my god are you okay?” Cyrus ran out the front door and crouched down next to TJ. TJ looked up at Cyrus with tears in his eyes. “It just hit me that I was coming here to say goodbye to you,” he said with half a chuckle. Cyrus gave him a sympathetic smile, “I know. I’ve honestly been avoiding thinking about it. My parents have been telling me to acknowledge my feelings head on, but I just don’t think I can right now.” TJ shut his eyes tight and exhaled softly. “Cy, I know we broke up, but my feelings for you haven’t changed.” TJ opened his eyes and Cyrus grabbed both of his hands. The two boys were at eye level now. “I love you too TJ,” Cyrus whispered. “I thought this was what we wanted though,” Cyrus continued. “You’re right,” answered TJ. “It’s the right thing to do, I just didn’t realize how much it was going to hurt.” Cyrus nodded in agreement and then took a deep breath of his own. “Teej, you are going to be this huge basketball star at Utah and you are going to make so many friends. You are going to be the life of every party and thrive in your studies.” Cyrus’s voice dropped to barely a whisper, “And maybe you’ll even meet the love of your life.” “What if I already have met him and we are just throwing it away,” replied TJ. “Well,” responded Cyrus, “if we are meant to be then we will find our way back to one another.” “You really believe that?” asked TJ. “I really do,” answered Cyrus. 

TJ texted Cyrus the minute he had settled into his new dorm room. Since he was on the basketball team, he’d been placed in a room with one of his teammates. Now, TJ was tall at 6’4, but his roommate Sam was a whopping 7’0. They had met before at some team mixer the coaches held for the new recruits and had hit it off right away. Sam was from Texas and had that very easy-going manner which TJ really appreciated. TJ had come out to him right away when they decided to be roommates. TJ was a little nervous because there weren’t a ton of openly gay athletes in basketball, but Sam had been super cool about it. “That’s cool man,” he’d replied, “Just put a sock on the door if you’re having a guy over.” TJ laughed at that and answered, “I don’t think that will be a problem.” In his head he was thinking of a certain brown-haired future film maker who would soon be heading off to Connecticut.

TJ: I’m all moved in. My room is so small and seems even smaller because Sam is so tall  
Cyrus: Make sure to send me pictures!   
TJ: Yes definitely! I’m hanging up the Imagine Dragons poster you gave me right now. Remember that concert we went to last summer? So much fun.   
Cyrus: That was the best! I’m meeting Andi and Buffy at the Spoon in a little bit so I’ll talk to you later!   
TJ began typing… okay love you! He paused. Deleted it and replied instead: Have fun! 

It was weird to still be so in love with someone who you were no longer dating. Honestly, TJ didn’t think the breakup would last that long. Although he’d agreed to it, he only did so because he was pretty sure that once they both settled into their respective schools they’d realize they could totally make the long-distance thing work. In the meantime, he wanted to show Cyrus that he was totally cool just being friends. He wanted to prove first that he could be a well-adjusted student athlete. Then maybe in a few months he’d be a well-adjusted student athlete who had the greatest boyfriend in the world. And that boyfriend would be Cyrus Goodman. “Yeah, everything is going to work out just fine,” TJ whispered to himself, as he put the picture frame of him and Cyrus on his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

TJ’s 5:00am alarm goes off too early every day for his morning workout with the team. On this particular Tuesday, the first day of his classes, it seems even earlier. TJ rolls over and shuts off the beeping. Sam is already up and eating his instant oatmeal as he apparently does every day. TJ notices that he has a new text message and he clicks it open. 

Cyrus: Happy first day of school! You’re going to kill it!   
TJ smiles to himself. Even half way across the country Cyrus always knows how to make him feel better. He closes his messages and looks at his background picture. It’s a picture of him and Cyrus in their prom outfits. After they had taken pictures with all their friends, they snuck off to the park with Amber and had her take pictures of them in their tuxes on the swings. TJ’s background is one of those. It’s a candid of the two boys on the swings, laughing at something Cyrus had said, swinging with their pinky fingers linked. Looking at it now brings TJ back to that moment and he remembers how purely happy he was. He swallows hard and thinks to himself that he should probably change his background to something else. Maybe later he tells himself. He shoots back a text to Cyrus.   
TJ: You too Underdog! And always remember, you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.   
TJ knows how much Cyrus likes Winnie the Pooh, so he adds a little GIF of the bear eating a jar of honey then hits send. TJ forces himself to sit up, takes a deep breath and gets ready for the day. Far away in another tiny dorm room, Cyrus is still sleeping blissfully. 

At the end of their first week of classes TJ decides to FaceTime Cyrus. He wants to tell him all about his classes and how he thinks he might be one of the first players off the bench this season, which is pretty good considering his freshman standing. TJ is alone in his room and for a minute he considers putting a sock on the door so that Sam won’t interrupt, but then he shakes the thought and presses dial. After the third ring, TJ realizes that he is holding his breath, but luckily Cyrus picks up just then. 

“TJ, my man, what’s up?”   
It’s only 9:30 on a Friday night, but TJ can tell already that Cyrus has had a few drinks.   
“Hey Cy! I don’t know I just wanted to see how your first week went.”   
“Oh man, it’s been so great. I’ve been making the BEST friends.”   
Cyrus turns the camera around and reveals 6 or 7 people sitting around on the floor of someone’s room. They all wave at the phone, red cups in hand.   
TJ laughs and waves back.   
“It looks like you’re having a great time Cyrus! Sorry I didn’t mean to bother you.”   
The camera flips back to show Cyrus’s face.   
“Oh Teej don’t worry! You could never ever bother me.”   
Cyrus looks serious for a minute, staring right into the camera with the intensity that the two boys first shared back on the bench a few years before. Someone says something in the background and as fast as it came, the look is gone, replaced by a laugh.   
TJ smiles, truly happy that his boyfr- friend- is having such a great time in college. Of all people, Cyrus deserves it.   
“Okay Underdog I’ll let you go. Have fun and say hi to your friends for me again.”   
“Bye TJ!” a chorus of voices replies. 

TJ sees himself in the reflection of his now dark phone. His eyes look tired. Maybe he should go out too, he thinks to himself. Sam had texted him earlier that there was a party across campus hosted by the girls’ basketball team, and TJ had been wanting to meet some more people. Alright, TJ thinks to himself, let’s do this. 

TJ isn’t sure what he is expecting from his first college party, but when he enters his initial thought is wow it’s loud. Sam sees TJ first from across the room and immediately approaches him. “TJ! Dude you made it!” TJ can tell from the glossiness of Sam’s eyes that his roommate is capital D Drunk. “Here I am,” responds TJ with a chuckle. Sam looks around the room and spots another teammate of theirs, Ryan, who is currently flirting with a group of girls who are probably on the swim team or something by the pure impressiveness of their shoulder muscles. “Ryan,” Sam shouts, “look who is here!” Ryan looks up and replies, “Aaaay T to the J. Hey everyone look, it’s our very own TJ Kippen!” TJ laughs as a few people turn their heads towards him. He does a polite little wave at the crowd as Sam claps him on the back. “Let’s go get you a drink Kipps,” says Sam, “You look like you need one.” TJ never drank before in high school, but at the memory of Cyrus and his slightly slurred words he finds himself nodding and following Sam to the kitchen. Sam pours some clear liquid in two small glasses and prompts TJ to clink. TJ pours the liquid down his throat. “Woah that burns,” he coughs out. Sam rolls his eyes like duh. TJ looks around at the people around him. He breathes in the collective energy that is radiating from the party. A wave of sadness creeps up on him as he suddenly wishes he was home in his bedroom cuddling with Cyrus watching some new documentary Cyrus was just dying to watch. At the time, TJ never cared much for documentaries, what he really loved was just spending time with his boy. And now, in this whole new world where his boy was in another world as well, TJ found himself craving a boring documentary. He pushed the thought as far down as he could and was surprised to hear his voice saying, “Hey Sam, can I get another one of those?” 

The next morning TJ woke up with his head absolutely pounding. His mouth so dry it’s like he hadn’t had water in days. He sits up too quickly and is hit with a massive amount of headrush. He looks over and sees that Sam is still passed out, legs hanging off the bed that he is clearly too big for. TJ gets up and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. He takes a long swig and rubs his temple. What happened last night. The last thing he remembers clearly is being in the kitchen with Sam drinking from those little glasses. He picks up his phone and sees that it is open to his outgoing calls. That’s when he notices the last call he made. To Cyrus. At 1:30 am. A four-minute phone call. The memory comes back to him. Well, this isn’t good. 

2,000 miles away, Cyrus will wake up in a few hours to a long voicemail from his ex.

“Hey Cyyyyy it’s me! It’s TJ! Thelonious Jagger if you will! Remember when I told you my name that day on the bench? That’s when I first knew I was in love with you. I knew I liked you before probably from the first day I met you with the muffin but that day when we were on that bench I was like ‘wow I love this cute boy’. Anyways! I just went to a great party and had my first drink! Well I guess you can say drinks because man I had a bunch. And now I’m back in my room and I’m thinking about you I guess. Because to be honest I am always thinking about you. My Cyrus. My boy. My love. I wish we didn’t break up. Ugh it makes me so sad that we broke up. I didn’t want to because I love you and I want to marry you some day. And I’m trying to be cool so that you think I’m okay with it but I’m just really not Cy. I miss you so so so so much. Do you miss me too? I hope you do. Okay call me back when you get this! Love you so much Underdog!”


	3. Chapter 3

It's Saturday morning (almost afternoon) and Cyrus’ phone is ringing. He reaches over and is disappointed to find that his drunk self didn’t plug his phone in last night, so it’s on 27%. He blinks his eyes a few times to clear the sleep out of them. He lets them focus and sees that it is Andi calling. _Oh shit_ he thinks to himself, she’s visiting today and I overslept. Andi was currently taking a gap year and traveling with her parents before their baby was due to be born in February. Next year she’d be going to the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn because SAVA had proved that she really was _that good_ at art.

“Hello?” Cyrus finally answered groggily. “Dude I’m outside your dorm!” Cyrus forced himself to stand up, swayed a little bit from the head rush, and made his way over to the window. Sure enough, standing outside on the patch of grass under his window was none other than Andi Mack. She waved enthusiastically when she saw him peeking out the window. “I’ll be right down,” he said into the phone “Don’t take too long I’m starving,” she replied before hanging up.

Cyrus went to brush his teeth and got dressed before finally taking a look at his phone again. He noticed for the first time that he had a new voicemail. *missed call from TJ* Cyrus froze. TJ wasn’t a huge fan of talking on the phone so if he had called him, at 1:30 in the morning Cyrus noted, it must’ve been for a good reason. He held the phone up to his ear as he left the room and began walking down the stairs.

By the time Cyrus reached Andi outside, he was feeling a little bit nauseous. “Woah are you okay?” asked Andi. “You don’t look so good. Rough night last night?” Cyrus swallowed hard, “last night was fine, but it’s what I just heard that has me a little bit uneasy.” “What are you talking about Cyrus?” asked Andi. Cyrus stared down at his feet. “TJ left a voicemail. I- I’m pretty sure he was really drunk so it doesn’t mean anything but…” Cyrus trailed off. “Wait WHAT?!” exclaimed Andi. “What did he say?” her tone softened when she saw the worried look in Cyrus’s eyes. “He basically said he was still in love with me and wished we hadn’t broken up.” “Oh wow,” Andi paused, carefully considering what to say next. “What are you thinking right now?” Cyrus chuckled, “I’m thinking that I can’t think anything about this until I get some food in my stomach. Let’s go get some brunch and then maybe I’ll have time to process.”

Twenty minutes later, Cyrus and Andi were splitting a stack of vegan blueberry pancakes. Cyrus got a side of turkey bacon, but Andi, being a vegan, got some sort of weird tofu scramble. “I don’t know how you do it,” Cyrus said to Andi with his mouth still full. “Do what?” she replied. Cyrus gestured to the tofu scramble, “I would just die without cheese.” “I eat cheese,” Andi exclaimed defensively, “vegan cheese is actually quite delicious thank you very much.” She continued on, “but besides that is not the point. You are avoiding the very large, very gay elephant in the room.” “Oh you mean TJ?” asked Cyrus, not making eye contact. “No I’m talking about the literal rainbow elephant over there. Yes, I’m talking about TJ. What are you feeling, thinking, planning on doing?” Cyrus took a swig of orange juice. “I don’t know what to think. As for what I’m feeling, I guess confused. I mean I still love him. I’ll always love him and he knows that. You never forget your first love. But it’s just different. We are so far away and I didn’t want to do long-distance and I thought he and I were on the same page.” He puts down his glass, “I guess we aren’t though.” “Clearly,” mumbles Andi. Cyrus shakes her head as if to clear some thought, “this is TJ we are talking about though. Scary basketball guy. Remember how long it took him to even admit he had feelings for me? He’s never really been the guy to wear his heart on his sleeve right? It took him weeks after we first held hands to even kiss me, and a full year to admit he loved me. He was probably just so drunk and not making any sense. I bet he didn’t mean any of it.” “Do you want him to have meant it?” inquired Andi. Cyrus sighed, “I don’t know honestly. I guess I’ll give him a call later.” Andi gave Cyrus a sympathetic smile and grabbed his hand in her own. “I think that’s a great idea.”

That evening, while Andi stepped out to call Bex for a little while, Cyrus sat on his bed staring at his phone in his hands._ It’s just TJ_ he thought to himself. _Why am I so nervous to call him? I’ve literally talked to this boy a million times. Don’t make this a big thing._

He pressed the call button.

_Maybe he won’t pick up. _

*ring*

_He’s probably at practice or out with friends _

*ring*

_Yeah, there’s no way he’s going to ans- _

“Hello?” a familiar voice on the other end of the line.

Cyrus was silent.

“Cyrus, did you butt dial me again?”

“No, I’m here.”

“Hey..” TJ trailed off, suddenly sounding less confident.

“Hey, Teej I just wanted to talk to you about-“

“Cyrus before you say anything I just want to let you know that I was sooo drunk last night. I saw this morning that I called you, but honestly, I don’t even remember it. Sorry about that. I think I must’ve been meaning to call Amber, but I dialed you instead.”

“Oh okay.”

*silence*

“Are you sure there wasn’t anything you wanted to tell me?”

“yeah," breathed TJ. 

Cyrus made a mental note of the familiarity of this conversation. He exhaled audibly.

“Okay TJ I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Yeah! Everything is great! Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I’m glad you’re doing so well. Oh, Teej I wish I could talk, but Andi is asking me something and I gotta help her out so talk to you later bye.”

Before TJ could say another word Cyrus hung up. He looked around at his empty room. He went over to his desk where there was a framed collage Andi had given him for graduation. It had pictures of the GHC and Jonah and in the upper corner was the picture of him and TJ on the swings before prom. It was Cyrus’s favorite picture in the world. He put his finger up to the picture and touched TJ’s face. Just then, Andi swung open the door. “You ready to go out!? I want to dance!” she shouted. Cyrus turned back to the picture. “Yeah I’m ready,” he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

As the weeks go by, not much really changes. TJ’s classes are harder than he expected and between that and basketball practice, he doesn’t really have much time to Cyrus. He can’t remember who started it, but at some point they began exchanging emails instead of texts. TJ actually likes it because it feels almost more personal than just sending mindless meaningless texts. He genuinely looks forward to Sunday afternoons when he gives himself 30 minutes to write to Cyrus about his week. And on Monday mornings after his 8am class, he gets coffee and reads Cyrus’s reply. It’s the best part of his week if he’s being honest.

10/04 3:42pm

Hey Cyrus!

My bio test went really well thanks for asking! The girl who sits next to me reminds me so much of you. She is always raising her hand and asking clarifying questions. It always makes me chuckle. I think she might have a crush on me because yesterday she asked if I wanted to get coffee with her some time. How do I know if she’s flirting with me or not? Since you and I were together all of high school and everyone knew it, I’ve never had this problem before. The last time a girl had a thing for me was Kira and we both know how _that _went down. Maybe I’ll agree to get coffee and then casually talk about how the male barista is really cute. Hopefully she will get the hint. It’d be nice to have a friend who isn’t on the basketball team. I love the guys, but they always just want to talk about going out and getting with girls. Clearly, we don’t have all that much in common.

I talked to Amber last night and she just started dating her roommate Katie! I know crazy right. Hopefully they don’t break up while they’re still living together… that would be awkward! My mom is good too. I think she is going to come for my first game. Speaking of, do you think you’re going to make it? It’s November 6th. Buffy is going to be here that weekend because the SDSU women’s basketball team is playing the next day! I think Andi is going to come, and Amber, and Jonah even said he’d try to fly out from Berklee! I’d love for you to be there!

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Xx

TJ

10/05 8:30am

TJ,

You were so oblivious in high school it isn’t even funny. SO many girls had crushes on you even though they knew you were gay. Remember Allie LeBlanc and how she asked you to tutor her in science? She was getting straight A’s in that class. It’s just part of your charm, all genders love you, and honestly who could blame them? Get coffee with that girl, I’ll feel better knowing you have someone there who you can talk to.

Yesterday me and Tyler went roller skating at one of those old timey rinks and it was so much fun! It made me think of the time when Jonah tried to teach me how to skateboard. Only this time, I actually kept my balance relatively well. Tyler actually used to compete in skating races or something so he’s really good. I’m not sure yet if I’m going to be able to make it to your game, but I’m going to try my best. I circled the date on my calendar! Talk to you soon.

Cy

10/18 4:30pm

Howdy there Cyrus,

I missed hearing from you last week. I hope you got my last email. You’re probably just super busy working on some movie or something. Anna and I have been hanging out more and you’re right it is nice to have someone who is a real friend that I can talk to. Turns out she actually didn’t have a crush on me, she actually likes Sam my roommate and wanted a way to get to know him better. I can’t tell if I’m relieved or offended. Probably both. I introduced the two of them and they actually seem to be hitting it off. Maybe it’s a bad idea that I set up my one friend with my roommate, but oh well only time will tell.

This weekend is our basketball kickoff celebration that I’m excited for. They have some singer I’ve never heard of coming to give a concert and then apparently, they introduce us and we have to dance in front of the crowd or something. Trey, one of the seniors on the team, said they have something special planned for the freshmeat. He actually used that word, freshmeat. He’s harmless though so I’m looking forward to it. Hope to hear from you soon.

TJ

10/21 1:00am

Sorry for the belated response TJ. I’ve been so busy working on my midterm project. I’m making a documentary about racial tensions in New England. Tyler and I went to Boston for Columbus Day weekend which is why I totally blanked on replying to you. Your basketball thing sounds cool! Have fun!

Cyrus

TJ reads this last email while he’s doing work in the student center with Anna and Sam. He knows he shouldn’t be annoyed at Cyrus for being so flakey and calling the basketball rally “your basketball thing” but it actually really bothers him. TJ knows deep down that this is the very reason that he and Cyrus broke up in the first place. They knew that they wouldn’t be able to dedicate as much time as they wanted to the other so it would be better to make a clean break and live separate lives. Still, TJ can’t help but feel disappointed. Across from him, Sam and Anna are making googoo eyes at each other and it makes TJ feel physically ill. He tries to turn his attention to the math problems in front of him but the numbers are swimming. He knew that studying environmental science would be challenging because it did involve some math, but over the past couple of years he’d come across a lot of strategies that helped with his dyscalculia. However, right now he was unable to think of any of them and he slammed his notebook shut in frustration.

The noise interrupted the love fest across the table and Sam and Anna gave him matching looks of confusion. “What’s wrong dude?” asked Sam. “It’s nothing, it’s stupid really,” TJ begins. “It’s about your ex isn’t it?” asks Anna. TJ looks at her surprised, “How did you know?” She rolls her eyes, “I know _everything._” TJ looks at Sam who just gives him a look like _don’t look at me I didn’t say anything. _“Well if you must know,” says TJ, “I’m not really over my ex-boyfriend and even though he and I are still friends, I feel like he is slipping further and further away.” “Dude what you need is a rebound.” “A what?” TJ replies, staring blankly. “Kipps I swear you live under a rock. A rebound. Like the thing we get during games? Well a relationship rebound is like when the ball hits the backboard and it doesn’t go in so you try to go for a second try, but the second try isn’t fully intentional.” TJ blinks twice. “Sam that makes no sense.” Anna narrows her eyes at her boyfriend, “Samuel, I don’t think that’s why it is called a rebound.” She turns to TJ, “basically a rebound is a quick, meaningless hookup to cleanse yourself of your ex.” TJ nods to himself, taking this in. “Do you guys really think that would help?” Sam shrugs, “I don’t know man, but I cant keep watching you wallow in this self-pity, its downright depressing.” Anna quickly adds, “This weekend we will all go to a party and Sam and I will wing-people for you. We’ll find you someone to make you forget all about… what’s your ex’s name?” “Cyrus” “Yes, right. We will make you forget all about Cyrus.” TJ tries to imagine a world where he doesn’t know the brown haired brown eyed muffin loving boy. He can’t imagine it… yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been procrastinating doing my actual homework so that's why I've posted so much today. Don't expect this all the time, but for today I feel like I'm on a roll!   
I appreciate all kudos/comments/suggestions   
:)


	5. Chapter 5

The pep rally was just as much fun as TJ had hoped. Although he wasn’t ever the guy who liked being in the spotlight, hundreds of people cheering for you while your name was announced was pretty thrilling. The way that it worked was that the announcer gave a little bio about each player and introduced them in order of seniority with the freshmen going first. Ryan got introduced first, 6’2 freshman guard from Salt Lake City, number 1. Then came Carson, 6’3 freshman guard from Vancouver, Canada, number 5.

TJ knew he was next. As he waited behind the curtain he suddenly wished that Cyrus was there. He pushed the thought down and instead focused on the announcer’s voice, “Next up we have a 6’4 small forward from Shadyside Utah, Number 13, TJ Kippen!” TJ pushed through the curtains and was immediately blinded by the bright lights. He jogged out onto the court and heard the roar of the crowd. Not knowing what to do he stood there awkwardly for a moment before he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. There in the third row of the stands was Amber, cheering her head off. The sight of his sister immediately put TJ at ease. He put his arms up to his sides as if to tell the crowd _come on that’s all you got? _The fans went nuts and before he knew it, TJ was running up and down the court pumping up the crowd. It was exhilarating.

TJ took his place in line with the other freshmen and cheered as Sam, and then the rest of his teammates were introduced. After the whole team and the coaches were standing in the middle of the court, Trey, the senior captain grabbed the mic. He motioned for the crowd to quiet down. People took their seats as Trey spoke, “Aaaay thanks so much for that welcome! Now in true Aggies tradition we have a little surprise for our freshmen.” TJ turned to look at Sam who groaned. “Freshmen come over here,” Trey summoned. Reluctantly, the four freshmen approached him. “Every year, unbeknownst to our new recruits, this rally serves not only as an official kickoff to our season, but also as a DANCE OFF!” The crowd went crazy. It dawned on TJ what was happening. _Oh, shit I’m screwed _he thought to himself. _I can’t dance to save my life. _A flash of a memory came to his mind, a party four years before. Watching Cyrus dance spastically but admiring his bravery and care-free demeanor. TJ smiled, he could summon that courage.

Sam volunteered to go first. He requested some song by Drake TJ hadn’t heard of, he never really got into Drake for some reason. TJ had to admit, for such a big dude, Sam had _moves! _Walking around, Sam seemed too big for his body, kind of awkward and bumbling, but playing basketball and dancing, apparently, he was the epitome of grace and rhythm. The crowd went nuts for him. Anna cheered the loudest of them all. TJ decided to go next, just to get it over with. He went over to the DJ and whispered into his ear the name of his song request. A smile spread over the DJ’s face as he nodded. TJ grabbed the mic and waited for the music to start. The audience sat silently. All of a sudden, the sound of Will Smith’s “Getting Jiggy With It” blasted through the speakers. And TJ Kippen knew every word. He sang and rapped and danced and let himself get lost in the music. When he finished, not a single person was seated. He locked eyes with his sister and she pointed at him, which he returned. Sam jogged over and clapped him on the back, “Kipps for a white dude you got rhythm.” TJ laughed and went back to his spot in line. After Ryan and Carson, it was time for the vote. Sam won by a landslide and TJ was happy for him. Actually, TJ was just happy. Genuinely, truly happy.

After the random singer performed and the rally ended, Amber was waiting for him by the gym door. “Bro I’m so proud of you!” she exclaimed pulling him into a hug. “Thanks so much for coming, Amber. It was such a nice surprise to see you in the stands.” She curtsied. “I planned it with your roommate weeks ago, he is going to stay with Anna tonight so I can crash with you.” TJ smiled, he was so lucky to have such a supportive sister who was willing to do something like this. “But before that,” Amber continued, “we are going out! I hear you’re on the rebound and I for one am **here **for that.” TJ laughed and put his arm around his sister and walked them back to his dorm.

At this point in the semester, TJ had been to plenty of parties, so the noise level didn’t surprise him anymore. However, this party felt different. He knew that all his friends wanted him to get with someone and honestly, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His hands were sweating when he, Amber, Anna, and Sam entered the house party. “You ready?” Amber asked. TJ grabbed the nearest bottle of liquor and took a swig, “guess we will find out.”

An hour later and TJ was having no success. Dating one guy for so long had really not given him time to develop “gaydar.” The first guy that Amber pushed him towards just kept talking about his girlfriend. The second guy he approached looked at TJ like he had three heads, although that could’ve been because he was hammered. TJ was just about to give up when he noticed a guy across the room looking at him. He was shorter than TJ, most people were, but not by much maybe just a few inches or so. He had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, his skin was pale and there was a sprinkling of freckles across his nose. He was just about as opposite from a certain someone as TJ could think of. TJ took a long sip from his cup and was surprised to find himself walking across the room.

“Hey, I’m TJ,” he said to the boy.

“I’m Sean nice to meet you.”

The two boys clinked glasses.

“You’re on the basketball team right? You were awesome at the pep rally tonight.”

TJ blushed, “Yeah? You think? I had no idea what I was doing.”

Sean smiled, “Well you looked really good out there.”

_So this is flirting with someone who isn’t Cyrus_ TJ thought to himself. At the sudden memory of Cyrus TJ forced himself to be present.

“Thanks,” TJ said with a coy smile.

“You want to get out of here?” Sean asked.

TJ gulped. This was it. The make it or break it moment.

“Sure, let’s go.”

Sean grabbed his hand and lead him outside. The October air was cool, but not unbearable. TJ could feel the alcohol spreading throughout his body. His face felt really warm. It was quiet by the street, the party noises muted in the distance.

“So where should we g-“

TJ was interrupted by Sean’s lips smashing against his. And then they were kissing. As quickly as it began, TJ felt himself pulling away.

“I’m so sorry I can’t,” he said, tears already filling his eyes.

“Oh shit sorry did I read the situation wrong?” Sean asked, genuine concern in his eyes.

“No, no you’re fine I just, I gotta get out of here.”

TJ spun on his heels and started walking in the direction of his dorm. He called Amber.

“TJ where did you go? I’m here with Sam and Anna and they said they saw you leaving with some guy. Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m okay,” TJ whispered, trying not to cry.

“Teej I can tell from your voice that you are not okay. I’ll meet you back at your room okay?”

“Okay,” he said softly.

Back in his room, TJ laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. Someone knocked on the door and upon opening the door and seeing it was Amber, TJ just lost it. He hadn’t cried that hard since his cat died when he was 11.

“I know we broke up months ago, but I never really thought it was over until now,” TJ said between sobs. Amber sat him down on his bed and sat next to him, rubbing his back in small circles. “I wanted to like that other guy so bad. I wanted to get Cyrus out of my head you know, but I can’t. Sean kissed me and it hit me so hard that Cyrus is gone. I lost him. He’s moved on. He barely answers me anymore and I feel like I don’t even know him. And despite all that, I still love him.”

“I know you do,” replied Amber. After a few minutes, TJ’s sobs turned into sniffles. He sat up and rubbed his face with both hands. “God, I’m pathetic,” he said finally. “No sweetie, you’re not,” Amber assured her brother. She pulled him into a hug, “TJ you are not pathetic, you’re in love. And sometimes, love hurts and I’m sorry I can’t take that pain away. But I’m here and your friends are here and you are going to be okay I promise.”

“It doesn’t feel like it will be okay,” replied TJ.

“It will, eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday, it’ll get just a little bit easier.”

TJ closed his eyes and hugged his sister tighter. He hoped someday would come soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It hurts my heart to hurt TJ like this, but unfortunately, this is a part of the experience of living.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning of TJ’s first game he threw up immediately after waking up. And then he threw up again three more times throughout the day. He felt about as far from the tough bully he used to be as possible, and not in a good way. At least that guy was confident, albeit closeted and depressed, but confident still. The ironic thing was that TJ wasn’t even worried about the game. What was making him sick was the thought of seeing Cyrus. It was the first time they were going to be together in person since that day in the summer. Cyrus had _promised _TJ he would be there to cheer him on and TJ could hardly wait. The thought of finally seeing Cyrus both thrilled and terrified TJ, hence the puking.

After the fourth time running for the bathroom, Sam knocked on the bathroom door, “you okay in there dude? I’m beginning to think this is more than just nerves.” TJ appeared, wiping his mouth and closing the bathroom door behind him. “yeah Sam I’m okay. Just anxious about a bunch of different things.” In all honesty, TJ was a little bit nervous about the game too. And the fact that his mom was coming. That was a _Big Deal. _TJ’s mom had only made it to a handful of his games in high school because she was always working at the hospital. Since his dad had left when he was a kid, his mom had taken a lot of extra shifts to be able to pay for TJ and Amber to have everything they wanted. That’s why it was always so important for TJ to be good at basketball. He knew that the only way he’d ever be able to afford college was if he got a scholarship, and the lateness of his dyscalculia diagnosis certainly made sure it wasn’t going to be for academics. TJ’s mom had promised that she was going to make it to his first college game and he wasn’t about to let her down by sucking. “You ready to go over to the arena Kipps?” Sam asked. TJ breathed out and grabbed his bag. “Let’s do this.”

As expected, TJ didn’t start in the game, he was only a freshman after all. Sitting on the bench he started to scan the crowd for his family and friends. He knew he should probably be paying attention to the game, but he needed to see where they were right away so that he wouldn’t keep getting distracted. Finally, he spotted them. Jonah Beck, sitting next to Andi, the two clearly catching up. To their right were Amber and his mom. TJ’s heart soared seeing his mom sitting there in the stands, still in her scrubs. She looked exhausted but happy. To the left was Marky, or Mikey or something. TJ could never remember that guy’s name even though they’d met like a hundred times and he’d been dating Buffy for four years. And next to M- that guy- was Buffy. She was wearing her SDSU women’s basketball jumpsuit. The red looked good on her. She noticed TJ watching her and she waved enthusiastically. TJ’s eyes flickered to the empty seat next to her. Buffy noticed and she shrugged as if to say _I don’t know where he is either. _A knot formed in TJ’s chest. Cyrus had bailed. Cyrus was going to miss his first college basketball game. Just then, TJ heard his coach calling his name. TJ was going in. He pulled off his warm-up jersey and jogged over to the table, waiting for the whistle to blow. This should’ve been the happiest moment of TJ’s life, and yet all he could think of was a brown-haired boy who was not there. TJ remembered back to what seemed like another lifetime, in a gymnasium. Cyrus had approached him to talk and TJ had basically told him to scram. _If he doesn’t need me, I don’t need him. Let’s do this. _

TJ played the best game of his life. By the final whistle, he had scored 16 points and had 6 assists. The Aggies won by 6 points and TJ was hyped. After a team meeting in the locker room, he went back out into the gym to see his friends. His mom was the first to pull him into a hug. She had tears in her eyes and she whispered, “I’m so proud of you,” into his ear. TJ blushed and pulled away, “Mommmmm,” he fake whined. She wiped her eyes and said, “I’ll leave you with her friends.” She squeezed TJ’s shoulder before walking away. Buffy was the next to congratulate him. Well, she punched him in the arm and said “Not bad loser,” but with his relationship with Buffy, he knew it was the highest form of flattery. Andi, Jonah, and Buffy’s boyfriend all clapped him on the back and Amber just stood there watching like the proud sister she was. TJ looked around at all his friends, well not _all _of them.

“Cyrus couldn’t make it huh?” he asked finally. Everyone suddenly became very preoccupied with staring at various points on the walls. All except for Jonah, who promptly said, “Yeah he’s in New York with his boyfriend, Tyler.” Andi shot daggers at him and Buffy just smacked his arm and hissed, “Jonah!!” “What?” Jonah asked, “I didn’t realize it was a secret. Cyrus put it on his finsta!” “Oh,” whispered TJ quietly, “I guess he forgot to follow me on that.” TJ suddenly felt that nausea hit him once again. “Thanks so much for coming guys. Really. It means so much to me.” His friends all nodded at him sympathetically with a chorus of “you’re welcome”.

TJ looked down at his phone. No new messages. “Oh, Sam just texted me saying that he needs me to help him with some equipment. I’ll see you guys later at the after-party okay?” TJ said. His friends could see right through his lie but knew him well enough to know that he wanted to be alone. “Yeah,” said Andi, “we’ll catch up with you later.” With that TJ grabbed his bag and ran from the gym. He ran all the way to the nearest park and collapsed on the swings. He fought to catch his breath. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. TJ took his phone out and saw Cyrus's name lit up. Cyrus was calling. 

"Hello," TJ nearly spit out the word. 

"Teej I am so so so sorry," Cyrus began. "I really wanted to come but then my b- friend, Tyler surprised me with a trip to NYC. He entered my midterm film into a film festival and it actually got in! I had to go, but I'm so sorry I had to miss your game." 

"I know Tyler is your boyfriend," TJ said flatly.

"Oh... shoot TJ I'm sorry I should've been the one to tell you but it's still new and I wasn't sure how you would take it so I kept putting it off. That's why I haven't been answering your emails. I can't lie to you, but I also couldn't figure out how to tell you." 

"Well, you lied anyway," answered TJ. 

"Only by omission," Cyrus said weakly. 

TJ didn't speak and for a minute the boys were suspended in silence. TJ thought about how ironic it was that he was sitting on a swing right now. 

"Are you okay with this?" asked Cyrus. 

"I'm fine," spat back TJ, "actually I'm better than fine. I just had the best game of my life with my family and friends watching me. Tonight I'm probably even going to hook up with the hottest guy at school. He's been all over me this whole semester. Everyone important to me is here and tonight I'm going to go out and live on the edge. Nobody is going to drag me down to the middle." 

"You don't mean that," whispered Cyrus. 

"Actually I do, and if you knew me at all you'd know that I am great. I'm fucking awesome." 

With that TJ hung up and screamed at the top of his lungs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate being mean to TJ but there's a point to all of this I promise!!!


	7. Chapter 7

“Hey guys I’m not feeling great tonight I’ll meet you all at breakfast tomorrow. Thank you all again for coming.”

Jonah read the group text from TJ aloud to Buffy, Marty, Andi, and Amber. “Poor TJ,” said Andi sadly, “I know that Cyrus is one of my best friends, but I still feel so bad.” Her friends nodded in agreement. “I’ll go talk to him,” said Amber, “you guys should still go out and have fun.” Buffy reached out and put her hand on Amber’s shoulder, “I’ll go. I have curfew at 11 tonight anyways because of my game tomorrow. Plus, I was the first one to know about Cyrus and TJ getting together, I want to see if I can help pick up the pieces.” The others agreed and Buffy headed over to TJ’s.

Fifteen minutes later TJ’s phone was ringing. He was laying face down on his bed, but he reached over to his dresser, expecting that it was probably Amber wanting to talk. To his surprise, it was Buffy’s name he saw. “Hey Buffy what’s up?” “I’m outside come let me in.” TJ did as he was told when it came to Buffy. Ever since middle school ended, he’d had a soft spot for her. After he’d been so awful to her for so long, he had made a silent promise to himself to look out for her always. He’d kept his promise all through high school and tried to be there for her whenever she needed. He wasn’t about to let that stop now.

TJ walked down to the lobby and found buffy holding a DVD in one hand, and a package of cookie dough in the other. “Can I hang out?” she asked him. All he could do was smile and lead her back to his room.

Halfway through watching Love & Basketball (TJ’s favorite movie surprisingly- not Buffy’s) and more than halfway through the cookie dough, Buffy paused the movie. “Woah woah woah what are you doing slayer?” TJ exclaimed. “Are we going to talk about it or not?” she replied matter-of-factly. TJ groaned, “Buffy I thought the whole point of you bringing this stuff over here was to show that we didn’t _have _to talk about it. Besides? What’s there to talk about it. Cyrus has a boyfriend. So what? It’s not like we’re together anymore. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is totally fine.”

Buffy stared at him with disbelief all over her face. “Nobody uses the word ‘fine’ that much unless they are actually, in fact, not fine at all.” TJ sighed, “I just wish he had told me, it would’ve still hurt, but at least it wouldn’t feel like I was being lied to by everyone.” Buffy nodded in agreement, “TJ, you know that Cyrus is my best friend and so I’d never say anything bad about him, but you’re my friend also and I’m sorry that he did it this way. It was messed up for you to find out like that I totally agree. I think that he was genuinely just afraid of telling you because he knew it was going to hurt you, and that is the last thing he ever wanted to do.” “I guess that makes sense,” said TJ hesitantly. “Still sucks though,” he added. Buffy nodded, “yeah. Sucks. Capital S.” TJ laughed, “I still love him you know?” “Yeah,” sighed Buffy, “I know. But maybe now that you know he’s moved on, you’ll have the closure you need to move on too?” “Maybe,” replied TJ.

Buffy moved to turn the movie back on but TJ stopped her. “Hey Buffy, thanks for coming over here and thanks for giving me a second chance.” “What do you mean a second chance?” she asked with genuine confusion. “I mean I was so awful to you and you were willing to give me another opportunity to prove to you the type of guy that I was, the type of guy that I am. And I just want you to know, that even though things didn’t work out with Cyrus and I, I’m really grateful that at least I have you as a friend.” Buffy rested her head on TJ’s shoulder and wrapped her arm around him. “Thanks bro,” she said, “I love you too.” And then, in typical Buffy fashion, she shoved him over and started whacking him with a pillow. TJ didn’t know what the future would hold, but he was glad that he had friends who’d always be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was short but I really liked the idea of Buffy being the one to comfort TJ and felt like it deserved its own chapter


	8. Chapter 8

*6 years later*

“TJ come on we are going to be late!” TJ hustled out of the hotel bathroom, tugging on his dress socks as he hopped around the hallway. “I know, I know I’m sorry. I’m almost ready I promise.” TJ stopped to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. His boyfriend smiled, how could he ever stay mad at that smile? TJ disappeared back into the bedroom and when he came out he was all dressed in his nicest suit and tie. “Well?” he asked, turning in a circle with arms outstretched. “How do I look?” His boyfriend just smiled, “You look great TJ. You always look great, but we really do have to leave. This is the engagement party for _your _friends, I shouldn’t be the one dragging you out the door.” TJ grabbed his boyfriend’s hand. “Alright _Lars_ let’s go.”

Andi was hosting the party of course. It was at her studio apartment in LA. It was one of those super open plan spaces, very fitting for an up-and-coming artist such as herself. The whole gang was getting back together for the first time since high school. TJ and Lars had flown out from San Francisco the day before. Jonah was taking a break from his national tour with his band, the Space Otters to come and Amber and her wife Katie would be there as well. TJ couldn’t believe that he was going to be an uncle soon; Katie was due in just a few weeks. Buffy and Marty would be there of course, the party was for them after all. Buffy had asked Marty to marry her like six months ago, but with her coaching schedule, and Jonah’s tour dates, this was the first time that they could all come together.

Cyrus woke up that morning excited and nervous. Excited because Andi had finally given him some creative license in the party planning (even though they were roommates and were technically hosting the party together). Nervous because of a certain tall former basketball player. Cyrus hadn’t seen TJ since the summer before college. After the whole, missing TJ’s first game incident, they sort of fell out of touch. Shortly after, TJ’s mom got remarried and moved to Provo. Anytime TJ went home from school, he was no longer going home to Shadyside. Cyrus hadn’t even been able to attend Amber and Katie’s wedding because he was studying abroad at the time. Cyrus had imagined this moment for the past few years. What would he say when he finally saw TJ again? He had a few different ideas that he pitched to his roommates. Libby signed a firm “no” when Cyrus suggested that he break into song when he saw TJ just to break the tension. Suze recommended that Cyrus just start with a handshake and see where it went from there. Andi claimed she was staying out of it. Whatever was going to happen, Cyrus was ready for it. He had put this conversation off for too long. Tonight was the night. He was going to win TJ back.

Andi was still hanging paper cranes from the ceiling when her family arrived. She didn’t hear them come in, but she did hear her younger siblings call at her name, “Andi hi!!!” Andi turned and saw Avery and Axel running through the front door. She stepped down from her ladder and gave them a big hug. “You guys are so big!” she exclaimed, looking up and down at her 9-year-old siblings. “And not slowing down anytime soon,” Andi heard a low voice say. “Dad,” she turned and gave Bowie a hug. “Where’s Mom?” Andi asked. “Oh, she’s trying to find street parking. I told her we should just park in a garage somewhere, but she insisted on doing it her way. I give her like thirty minutes before she gives up and pays to park.” Bowie laughed, and Andi was struck by how handsome he still was. Even in his forties, her dad was a Rockstar.

“What are these?” asked Avery pointing to the cranes. “Well they are wishes of good luck for Buffy and Marty,” Andi explained. “I collected messages from all of their friends and families and then wrote them on these paper cranes. I thought maybe they could hang them in their apartment to always remember how loved they are.” Axel’s eyes got big, “woahhh that’s so cool. Could you teach me how to make those?” Andi smiled at her little brother, “sure thing bro.” She looked at her dad again, “people should be arriving in about thirty minutes or so and I’m still finishing up the decorating, so just make yourself comfortable.” At that, Suze emerged from their room and said, “do I hear the Macks in the house?!” “Suze!!” the twins ran over to give them a hug. “I’ve missed you guys,” they said to Axel and Avery. “We missed you too,” chorused the kids. “Come on, I just got some new markers in my room we can try out,” Suze said giving Andi a wink. Andi mouthed a quiet _thank you_ to her roommate. She loved her siblings, but she needed to concentrate to finish decorating. This party was going to be epic.

Cyrus showed up back at the apartment five minutes before the party was supposed to start. “Cyrus! Where have you been? I sent you to buy ice like three hours ago!” Andi shouted at her roommate. “Yeah…” began Cyrus, “about that. I couldn’t decide what kind of ice to get. There’s cubed, there’s crushed, there’s those little pellets. Way too many choices for a guy like me so I sort of did a thing.” “Cyrus,” said Andi, her voice full of suspicion, “what did you do?” Cyrus walked back over to the front door and opened it to reveal a shopping cart overflowing with bags of ice. “I just bought them all?” he said sheepishly. All Andi could do was laugh. She knew her friend was nervous for tonight and so if having all this ice to think about kept him distracted she was okay with that. “Alright well let’s go make room in the freezer,” she said, wrapping her arm around his shoulder.

Everyone was at the party except for TJ, Cyrus noticed. When Buffy and Marty had entered fifteen minutes ago they’d all thrown confetti in the air and whooped and hollered at the top of their lungs. Cyrus was so happy for his best friend, but at the moment his mind was a bit preoccupied. _Where is he_ Cyrus thought to himself. He found Libby by the punch bowl and signed to her, “Are you sure he is coming?” Libby had been in charge of invitations. “Yes,” she signed back, “stop worrying about him and go mingle with our guests.” She shooed him off into the crowd. Cyrus had just settled into conversation with Gus when the front door opened and there he was. _He looks different _thought Cyrus to himself. _Well no kidding he looks different you haven’t seen him in years. _Cyrus’s internal dialogue was getting a little loud, so he shook his head to clear it. That’s when he noticed the man next to TJ. He was tall too, maybe even as tall as TJ. He had light brown hair and a professionally groomed beard. The two men were wearing complementary colors Cyrus noticed. _Who is this clown _Cyrus thought to himself, allowing his inner voice through once more. As his gaze shifted downward, he saw that TJ’s hand was grasped firmly in the hand of this other man. Fingers interlaced. _Oh hell no. _

Across the room, Buffy and Andi were watching the whole scene play out. They shared a look and Buffy spoke first, “this is going to be an interesting night.” Andi took a swig of her champagne in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me guys please!!! I'm so sorry!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient! Decided to make this a little longer because it's been a few days. Hope you enjoy! I love comments and suggestions.

Cyrus walked across the room like he was walking through a vat of Jell-O. It felt like he was going in slow motion. The noises around him were muted and the shapes and colors of the people blurred. For a moment he wondered if he was moving at all. Yet somehow his feet somehow found their way to standing in front of TJ and this other man. Cyrus’s mouth opened and then shut, like a fish blowing bubbles.

TJ’s hair was different, a little bit shorter on top than it had been in high school. But his dimples were the same, and his green eyes still had that sparkle in them. The two men stood there not saying a word for longer than was socially acceptable. Lars cleared his throat and extended a hand to Cyrus. “Hi,” he said giving Cyrus’s hand a shake, “I’m Lars. You must be…” TJ finished his boyfriend’s sentence, “Cyrus.” “That’s me,” replied Cyrus with a nervous laugh. He directed his response at Lars, not ready yet to speak to his old flame. Lars looked back and forth between the two other men, “I’ll leave you two to catch up,” he said to nobody in particular. He moved to leave, then thought twice about it and turned back to kiss TJ on the cheek before heading out to mingle, TJ blushed deeply.

“So that’s…” Cyrus’s voice trailed off. He stared at his shoes intently. “Yeah,” TJ shrugged. “He seems nice,” Cyrus replied flatly. “We don’t have to talk about this,” TJ said in a rush, changing the subject just as quickly, “So you live here?” “Yeah,” replied Cyrus, “I’ve been trying to sell some of my scripts, but apparently there are a lot of people who want to make movies here in LA.” “Who knew?” replied TJ sarcastically. Cyrus laughed, “I guess I deserve that. In the meantime, I’m working at a coffee shop downtown.” TJ groaned, “oh man you’ve really gone full hipster on me, haven’t you?” “Laugh all you want,” answered Cyrus, “it’s good money for now and next week I have a meeting with a producer’s assistant so who knows where that will take me?” “Really?” asked TJ with genuine interest, “that’s awesome Und- I mean Cyrus.” Cyrus blushed at hearing TJ nearly call him by his old nickname and TJ looked away sheepishly.

“I heard from Amber that you’re doing pretty well yourself,” Cyrus said, quickly trying to brush off how flustered he felt. “I guess,” shrugged TJ, “I’m a sustainability consultant up in San Fran. A lot more paperwork than I expected. But it pays well, and I enjoy it, so I could definitely do worse.” Cyrus looked at TJ earnestly, “That’s great. I’m really happy for you.” The two boys looked around, unsure where to take the conversation now that the pleasantries were over. “So how long have you and Lars been together?” Cyrus inquired.

“I told you, Cyrus, we don’t have to talk about that,” TJ answered.

“Well I’m asking,” said Cyrus shortly.

“About a year and a half,” TJ said with a long exhale.

“Oh wow,” replied Cyrus, all kindness gone from his voice, “that’s quite a while, it must be serious.”

“Cyrus, I really don’t’ feel comfortable talking about this with you,” TJ said in a low voice.

“What are you going to marry him?” Cyrus retorted, his voice getting louder.

“Cyrus seriously don’t do this here,” TJ urged him, feeling anger rising in his gut.

“Do what?” Cyrus spat. A few people standing nearby looked over nervously. Cyrus was mad now.

“Who do you think you are bringing that guy with you to_ my _house!” Cyrus shouted, “What makes you get off on bringing your current boyfriend to your ex-boyfriend’s apartment? How could you possibly think that was a good idea?”

TJ tried, but he couldn’t keep it down anymore, “Who the fuck are **you **Cyrus to ask me that? Huh? Where’s Tyler? Or Jacob? Or Nate? Or any of the other dozen guys you’ve dated since we broke up?” TJ felt tears welling up in his eyes, but he continued on, “We broke up six years ago Cyrus. **Six years. **How come you get to go around and sleep with whoever you like, even when you knew I was still in love with you, but when I have a serious boyfriend you get all high and mighty? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really that insecure?”

The last sentence felt like a dagger to Cyrus’s heart, “you know I am,” he whispered.

TJ was breathing heavy and for the first time he looked around at the party to see that everyone was staring. He saw Buffy and Marty standing over by the gift table, “I’m sorry to ruin your party. Guess the bully never goes away,” he said to them. With that TJ turned and walked swiftly out of the apartment. Lars stood by the punch bowl, his mouth agape. Cyrus was already running toward his room with Andi and Buffy following quickly after him. It was at this moment that the door opened and Bex entered shouting, “okay party can start I have arrived!” Everyone looked at her in silence, “What’d I miss?” she asked with a laugh. Bowie walked over to her and put an arm around his wife. He laughed uncomfortably and led her away to fill her in.

In Cyrus’s room, Andi and Buffy found their friend crying into his pillow. “Cyrus?” Andi asked softly. “I don’t want to talk about it!” he yelled, although the sound came out muffled. Buffy went over to the bed and sat down. “Cyrus,” she began. He cut her off by sitting up quickly, “No. I don’t want to hear it. I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that I have no right to be upset because TJ was right. It _has _been six years and I should be over him by now. So, I’ll save you the breath and tell you that you’re right and I know and there’s nothing you could say to me that I haven’t told myself a million times before.” He flopped back down onto his bed. “Actually,” began Buffy, “I was going to say that I’m sorry you are so upset and that your feelings are totally valid.” “Really?” Cyrus asked, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Yes really,” Andi replied, joining them on the bed. “Cyrus,” she said taking his hand, “you’ve been trying to fill a TJ sized hole in your heart since freshman year of college. I know you never got over him and all the guys you’ve dated were in an attempt to replace him. It only makes sense that the first time you see him again you are going to feel upset.”

Cyrus nodded to himself. “I really blew it didn’t I?” he asked aloud. Buffy put her arm around her friend, “why did you break up with him in the first place if you didn’t want to?” Cyrus shrugged, “He was my first love, I didn’t think there was any way possible he would be my last. I wanted to rip off the band-aid before I got to a place I couldn’t come back from.” Buffy nodded understandingly, “Cy did you know that Marty and I broke up for a month back in college?” “What really?” “Yeah,” Buffy replied chuckling to herself. “I felt the same way. I knew that I loved him but the odds of us being together forever were slim, so I decided to end it before I got really hurt” “I didn’t know about that,” said Andi. Buffy nodded and continued, “Yeah, but after a few weeks I realized that I was being dumb. I loved him and he loved me. Who cares that we met in middle school? There was no telling if we were going to last forever, but I figured there was nobody I would rather try with.”

Cyrus smiled at his friend sadly, “Buffy that’s nice and I’m really happy for you, but it’s a bit late for this advice. I broke up with him forever ago. He’s in a serious relationship and is so successful and probably never even thinks about me.” Andi snorted at this. “What are you laughing at Andi?” Cyrus asked, clearly hurt. “Is my pain amusing to you?” “No, of course not," she replied, “it’s just that, I wouldn’t assume that TJ doesn’t think about you” she trailed off. “Andi…” Buffy started with accusatory eyes, “what do you know?” “I probably shouldn’t say anything,” Andi began. “Andi!” yelled Cyrus, suddenly extremely invested. “Fine fine,” replied Andi. “It’s just that when Libby was collecting the RSVP’s from people she told me that TJ specifically asked if Cyrus was going to be coming to the party before he RSVP’d. And when she told him that Cyrus was coming he immediately replied that he’d be here.” “Ohmygod!!!” Buffy squealed, squeezing Cyrus.

Cyrus let out a quiet breath, for the first time in a long time he had hope. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been a hot minute since I updated this. Once school started up in the fall I got really really busy. However, with all this free quarantine time, I wanted to get back to my fave boys! I hope you're all staying safe!   
Comments, suggestions, and questions are welcome!

Lars swiped his hotel key card and opened the door to find TJ furiously shoving his clothes in his suitcase. “Babe,” Lars asked cautiously, “what are you doing?” “I need to get out of here,” TJ replied through gritted teeth, “I knew it was a bad idea to come here.” “TJ can you calm down for just a minute, so we can talk?” Lars asked, plopping down on the untouched bed and patting the space next to him. TJ sighed and begrudgingly put down the hoodie he was trying to make fit into his luggage.   
“TJ…” Lars starts, his eyes looking up at the ceiling, “why do you think you reacted like that to what Cyrus said?” TJ threw his hands up in the air, “because who does he think he is judging me for having a boyfriend? I mean the audacity of that man to even think he can say those things to me. He has dated every Tom, Dick, and Harry across the country and yet I’m the one who gets the heat? He’s unbelievable. He’s-“ Lars cuts him off there, “TJ, I love you.” “I love you too Lars,” TJ interjects quickly. “I’m sure you do. Or you think you do. But TJ as long as we have been together there has been a third person in our relationship. I’ve always known it was there and I hoped that it would one day go away. But now I can see clearly that that third person is Cyrus. You’ve always had him in the back of your mind. Why do you think you were single for so long? Because everyone you met you were comparing to him.” TJ starts to speak, but then gets quiet. “See?” says Lars, “you know it’s true you can’t even deny it.” “I’m so sorry,” whispers TJ. Lars chuckles, “I’m not. I got to spend a year and a half with a very cool guy. I know what I’m worth and I’ll get back out there and be okay. You just need to ask yourself what you’re going to do next.” With that, Lars stands up, kisses TJ on the temple, grabs his suitcase and is gone.   
TJ, suddenly alone, exhales and picks up his phone. He scrolls through his contact list until he finds what he’s looking for. Underdog. How many times has he sat in this exact position staring at that name, his thumb hovering over the number? Dozens of times probably. But before he can hit dial, his phone lights up with Cyrus’s name.   
“Hello?” TJ asks hesitantly.  
“Hey…” Cyrus replies nervously.   
“I was just about to call you.”  
“You were?” Cyrus responds, a hint of excitement in his voice.   
“Yeah. But you called me first so why don’t you talk first too?”   
“TJ, I’m so sorry for how I acted. It was completely irrational and over the top and I am so embarrassed for my behavior. The truth is I was really nervous about seeing you and I had tried to mentally prepare myself for what is going to be like. I actually called all four of my parents for their advice. I just hadn’t imagined a situation where you came with your boyfriend, so I wasn’t ready. That isn’t an excuse and I’m so sorry. I really just want to be friends with you and get to know Lars he seems great. I hope you’ll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me.”   
“Is that all?” TJ asked.   
Cyrus paused, “yes I think so.”   
“Cyrus did you write all that down?”  
“Maybe…” Cyrus answered, his cheeks filling with color.  
TJ laughed despite himself. “Classic Underdog.”  
Cyrus found himself smiling, feeling slightly less panicked he asked, “so… what were you calling me about?”   
TJ swallowed hard, “well I was hoping that maybe we could actually get together and talk about some stuff. I feel like it would be better in person.”   
“Sure!” said Cyrus, a little too quickly.   
“Are you free in like an hour? Around 8?” TJ asked.   
“Yes absolutely, the party is dying down here and that would get me out of the cleanup which would be awesome. How about the coffee shop where I work? It isn’t too far from where I heard you’re staying.”   
“That works for me, what’s it called?”   
“Don’t laugh” Cyrus said, “it’s called Rise and Grind.”   
TJ snorted.   
“I told you not to laugh!” Cyrus exclaimed.   
“Alright alright, I’ll see you in a little bit Cy.”   
“Can’t wait.”   
TJ hung up the phone and found himself smiling. Shit he thought to himself, I need to shower.   
Twenty-five minutes later, TJ was looking at himself in the mirror giving himself a pep talk.   
“Don’t overthink this man. Who knows what’s going to happen. Are you still in love with this man? Yes absolutely, do you know the adult version of him? Not so much. Just take it as you go you totally got this.” With one last look at his freshly quaffed hair, TJ grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.   
Cyrus was sitting anxiously at Rise and Grind. He knew he was early, but he was too excited to wait around in his loft any longer. He picked the perfect table, one he knew didn’t have any type of draft, where the music wasn’t too loud, and he had a direct vision of the door so he could see TJ as soon as he arrived. As the clock ticked closer and closer to their meeting time Cyrus was getting more and more anxious. As 8 o’clock came and went he found himself biting his nails. 8:15, Cyrus checked his phone. 8:20 Cyrus went to the bathroom so he would stop staring at the door. By 8:30, Cyrus had completely given up hope.   
Across town, TJ was on his way to the hospital.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!   
Going to try to post a new chapter every few days!


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